about the EEG

The EEG appointment went OK.

I kept Liam up pretty late. We hung around the house until about midnight or 1 am and then we went to Denny's. I ordered water and a chocolate milkshake. Liam signed he wanted a coke. I took it upon myself to order him a brownie sundae with vanilla ice cream, and interpreted for the waitress that he ordered a coke. Surprisingly, it is kinda hard to eat at 1 am. We probably could have done with just sharing his dessert but oh well. I hate to say that I did care a bit about what other people were thinking in the restaurant once we got there. Of course not enough to not go, so that is good enough. But I found myself wanting to explain to people, I am not a bad mother for taking this child out in the middle of the night to Denny's! but oh well.

On the way home Liam fell asleep. Then we woke up around 6 or so, so he ended up getting about 4 hours of sleep, which was fine with the EEG techies.

So I got Liam all showered up and ready to go. Once we got to the hospital I was very happy with how Liam behaved, and I think I did a good job too. I didn't show Liam any of my nervousness and I just told him what they would do, and it's no big deal, etc etc. The techie marked with blue marker 30 or 40 Xs all over Liam's head, and 2 on his chest. Then she rubbed gel with grit on the blue X's. Then she attached the wired probes (not really sure what they are really called). Liam thought he looked cool, he checked himself all out in the mirror and smiled. I kept telling him how cool he looked with all the lil whatever they call them stuck all over his head.

I was telling him how neat it was, I know that a lot of his attitude about it had to do with my attitude towards it, (or the attitude I portrayed to Liam). I didn't really think all of this EEG business was neat at all but the things we do for our kids....

The techie lady was really sweet. She took a picture of Liam with a polaroid with all the probes attatched and gave it to us. (I will scan it and put it up here later. )

My mother is to credit for teaching me this, that children pick up on your feelings, even if you don't verbalize it, so in a situation like this, you have to put on a costume, a happy costume. It wasn't too difficult for this test, but it was difficult last November. Last November when Liam was hospitalized, I did a good job of not showing Liam my fears, but it was much more difficult. The day he was admitted to the hospital, the Dr. thought he had meningitis, I asked the Dr, "can he lose his hearing?" not knowing whether if he had this, could they help the hearing loss if they catch it and hospitalize him or is it difficult to prevent hearing loss.. etc. I knew from my sign classes that menengitis causes deafness. He very coldly, and very frankly told me, Mrs...don't worry over hearing, this is the least of your concerns, even though we are taking him to the hospital immediatley, this child may die. I did a good job of hiding my fears for Liam then. Though I was so afraid. That is when my mother first told me: Annie, you need to be strong, don't show him how afraid you are, because how you act can be very powerful, if he gets worried, it can be very bad. I had called her to fill her in while my husband sat in with Liam as I went home to shower and get my things to stay at the hospital with him. Obviously, Liam is fine now. I will have to record that story at a later date..Even as I write this now, knowing Liam is just fine now, my heart can't help but sink and fall upon my stomach, thinking about that week.

So during the test, we just laid down and watched TV in a dark room, Liam was very tired but he wouldn't go to sleep which would have been the most optimal for the test. We laid there being still and quiet in a big comfy recliner chair, Liam on top of me, while I stole a few zzz's for myself. In the end of the test, they blinked a series or flashing white lights quickly then increasingly quicker right in our faces. I kept my eyes open. I guess it's safe to say I don't have any seizure disorder either now, cause I withstood the flashing lights and didn't start epileptn'. Liam did do a little bit of the tremors with his arms while the light was going, which he always does out of enjoyment I think when he sees lights or fans or anything that is sensory pleasin' to him. So we will see what his brain was doing during that. I think it is gonna turn out fine.
Not sure when I get the results back. We will drive about an hour to the Dr that ordered the EEG test on July 5th. The very next day in the same hour away city we have another appointment with another Dr. The first is with the pediatric neurologist and the second is his yearly check up with the developmental pediatrician.

I want to ask both of them if the cause of all these disorders/issues that Liam has could be cerebral palsy or some other form of brain damage. He has never had any brain imaging done and when you look up all his disorders, verbal apraxia, developmental dyspraxia, fine-motor dyspraxia, sensory integration disorder, hypotonia, and dysarthria for the ones that there is a known cause brain damage is always on the list of culprits, for the ones there isn't a known cause it says "neurological impairment" or speculates at that.

I am not fanatical about knowing, but still, it would be nice to know. I don't think knowing will give us any more hope than we already have for his recovery, but I guess I can't be certain of that.

I have to take him really really soon, like should have yesterday, or a month ago, to get the blood work done for the doctor he is seeing on the 5th. Oh, I suck sometimes. But it is really easy to procrastinate having your child poked and prodded and his blood stolen.

I keep thinking at some point all of this medicalness will be over. At some point maybe he won't have to go to the doctors anymore, just the therapists. It will happen, maybe next year. Oh my oh my, my heart goes out to all the kids and parents who spend too much time in medical-ness.

If only I could heal the world..